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Monday, 31 August 2009

What now brown cow?

I'm about to enter graduate school and I'm pondering starting another Blog. I think I shall abandon this one in favor of one where I have more control over the readers and less "evidence" pointed to myself being the author. Tata facebook, you'll forever be my first true longterm blog.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

John Paul 2 - Love and Responsibility

I've been reading a book about John Paul 2's book called Love and Responsibility that a Catholic Missionary "twisted my arm" into reading. Truthfully I love any relationship book and it turned out to be a well written book. Part of this book made me think quite a bit and come to the realization that Christian girls are attractive. :) A startling revelation, I know, but stay with me.

The book goes into a whole speail about Emotional purity (I can handle that) and the reality of friendship between the sexes. Specifically the fact that JP2 believes that it is exceptionally rare to establish an authentic friendship. That there will always be some type of attraction. As always my automatic response was a complete denial. Truthfully its relatively seldom that you'll find me offering anything more than friendship to most people. As I delved into an examination of my own reactions and interactions I realized that I have a very clear diliniation between how I interact with the opposite sex typically and how I interact with Christian girls.

I'd love to say that I have a very open and loving manner with Passionately Christian girls and in some ways I certainly do. Yet, I have a much more open, completely free of worry about future entanglements relationship style with people outside my faith. What's truly concerning is that I doubt there's anything I can do to change that initial and ongoing interaction struggle. Ironically enough as most of you know I've got a strong faith in Christianity and I'm relatively zealous about how I live my life. (Again, its all relative my truly conservative or pentecostal friends :)) Consequently, upon finding a girl with anything resembling the same structures and beliefs in her life its difficult to not leap ahead and ask, is this someone too love?

Rather like finding a precious pearl on a beach, its not something that's found often at all and you tend to snatch it up as quickly as possible. The entire point of this is to say that I'd prefer finding some method to not have an automatic overwhelming attraction to those passionately Christian girls I meet. Not that I think its likely but I can't believe that the intention behind my being a "good" person is to be a friend to all except those who are most similar to myself. Then again I guess it’s a boon to be very attracted to those you can accept. :)

It also explains/places context around a large number of past "Mistakes". Everything from jumping the gun trying to force something to the opposite extreme and giving the appearance of one compeltely lathargic towards being friendly. These aren't truly mistakes so much as learning experiences. One's that its impossible to regret as they have provided many lessons. Sadly all this learning also entailed a number of assurances that "its not me its you" that I wish I could take back. Appologies to anyone I did that too ;)

It also tells me that my current methodology of merely giving the appearance of "normality" is not a wise method. Rather than simply stating I've never been in a LTR or a true STR I have developed the art of hinting and implying that I have. Along with a large number of the things that such relationships entail. It certainly proved easier to do this rather than be challenged and setup at work but acting as if embaressed by the past is a lie. I've never been ashamed and no longer look proudly at my record. I have merely become content that it is the path I have determined to walk.

Saturday, 03 January 2009

Escort Services

Occasionally I am an idiot, yesterday night showed me to be a bigger one than expected.

To set the scene we're all sitting around at a coffee shop. (Third restaurant of the night after going to the desert bar to find it closed :'( ) We're in the back room with a group of 10 and the only one's there so the conversations start ranging from the typical to the weird. Typical being something like "You were home schooled, but you're so normal!", "You're such a people person how does that work", "I thought they were all right winged nut jobs" (My response, "Well point in fact I'm a right winged nut job from Madison's standpoint but a liberal lefty from the people I grew up with").

To the weird, What is your next job going to be?

To this Isabelle and Grace said that they'd discussed this before and they were going to become Madam's. (Note that's Madam's not mistresses as I later referred to the "career".) Now in a general sense of the word I'm aware what a "madam" is and their services and a few of the people there were in the same boat because they said something like, "So you're going to sell Sex". To this Isabelle replies, "No no no, we're going to sell date's. Our men are going to take the woman out to dinner and listen attentively, they're going to take them dancing, take them for a midnight ride in the park, and then tell the women they are off the clock and what happens from there happens." Now this is where my idiocy comes in, I've bought this whole spiel hook line and sinker and I make a flip comment about how I should become one of those "gentlemen" because it sounds like a fine evening to me and that I'd just leave at the end. After all, I go dancing of my own volition and absolutely adore doing the completely inane like a carriage ride through a park and most people find my dinner conversation skills to be superb if a bit self-helpish and I just have to bite my lip to prevent that... at this point my bubble was burst. Everyone was grinning and a couple had a peel of laughter or two at which point Grace said, "Jeremy honey, we're selling sex, just putting a good package on the deal, the women want to be wooed first but they also want the sex." My face was nicely red and I felt a tad idiotic even if it was my friends who had heard this complete naive on my part.

Friday, 14 November 2008

A blog from Hawaii

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Ah, work has completed for the week and it’s a solid four days before they see my face again. (At least I hope that’s the case). 70 hours over the past 6 days isn’t a pleasant way to start the trip but I’ve made sure to pick up about 6 hours every night so I’m not doing so badly. Work was another fun filled experience and I’m sitting in chillies waiting for my swiss mushroom burger and fries to be finished in the kitchen. It’s a fairly busy place this evening but I wanted someplace I could pull up a corner and have a full meal without having anyone hassling for the laptop being out.

I checked into my hostel this evening, not perfect but its cheap and its not all that bad either. I must admit the heat may be a bit of a challenge but we’ll find out. It’s a 4 story place so that’s rather impressive as hostels go. I’m staying here again Sunday night so hopefully I’ll have nothing but positive things to say tonight. Ooo the bur ger is already out… signing off!

Dinner was good, very filling, just walked back to the hostel and headed to bed, I've got a snorkeling trip in the morning at 7:45, after waking up at 4am every morning this week that seems luxurious. The hostel isn't too bad, bunch of people are outside drinking so its not quite my thing but I'm not to displeased, nobody's being rude and annoying. :) Hope you all have a great Friday and I'll try and write again friday night!

Sunday, 02 November 2008

When there is a multitude to say what do you lead with?

Oh highschool, back in the day when all continuously thought they were special, improbably so in fact. Yet what happens when those rare few grow up to become something different. Something unfathomable perhaps. Then again all too often its quite predictable, they grow up, they discover methodologies to integrate with the mainstream human populous and go about their lives. Yet what of those who lack that capability? Its a rewarding chain of thought. I know my own experience with it has been areas I never imagined were different from the rest of the world have proven to be quite strange while others, my most unredeaming qualities are in fact so much more similar to everyone else that its appaling.

Am I a synical person? Perhaps. I don't ever know at this stage of my life, I certainly see both sides to every issue and hopefully the truth behind most but there has been a certain relish to hashing and rehashing things into their most unpromising light simply to avoid pain. To avoid looking foolish. Its come to my attention that it may be time to stop avoiding letting an optimistic outlook on life be my center. What good does it do anyone else to hear an honest but gloomy assessment of a situation vs a happy one. As my mind twists upon all this its even come to my attention that this behavior may well have something to do with my attempting to counter my natural tendency to look at the world through rosey glasses. In fact my personal discription of cynism that was almost used a sentence or two ago was that it helps paint a full picture to a situation because everyone can see the happy side but it is more difficult to see the interactions that can have a negative impact. Argh, talk about showing your own bias. :)